To Live or Die Teaching??

It’s been a while since I’ve felt the need, urge, anything to do a note from the teacher but I think it might be time for them to come back. Regardless of whatever else I am graced to teach, I can’t really deny that I miss the classroom. I wholeheartedly don’t want to go back but I do miss it. Next to motherhood, I really feel that teaching is the most nervewracking thing ever but once the rewards kick in, you tend to forget about the torture that it took to get there. I’ve always said public school teaching is not for the faint of heart and it’s definitely not what you do in the interest of getting a check. And as much as I have enjoyed the freedom of not having to do it, I find myself possibly going back.

Here’s the thing. Everyone talks about the joy and the praise when God calls you out of a thing. But very rarely does anybody talk about what happens when He sends you back to that thing. There’s definitely crickets in that department. Yet, it’s where I find myself right now. Grappling with the fact that now that I’m out, I’m not that interested in returning but at the same time, I feel the pull to go back. I can see the changes that need to be made. I know that it has to be shaken from the inside out. Even though I know all that, I still don’t necessarily think it’s supposed to be me to do it. Except that it is.

Lately, more like daily, I am learning more and more about what it means to say yes to your call. I’m learning even more that there will always be another yes to give because I have a lot to give. I know a lot of random stuff. It has to go somewhere. God wastes nothing. In my time off, I had to heal, re-learn to hear, and re-develop my trust. I thought the pull on my heart strings was because I spent the last week scoring AP tests. The class that I scored for was one of my most favorite to teach. As I’m reading the projects, I’m developing tips for things to share with the next group of students, but then it hits me, I don’t have a next group of students! I could turn the things into a blog maybe a podcast but that might not hit who it needs to hit you know?

On to the title of this here blog. When I left, it was a combination of need and panic. I needed to be present with and for my children without interruptions. I needed to take some time to focus on my health. I needed to break up with every toxic thing I had going on in life period! (For those that don’t know, I left my job (which was beginning to feel like an abusive relationship), and my actual abusive marriage, in the same year … more specifically within months of each other). To say I had a lot going on would be the understatement of the year. With the way everything was hitting me all at once, that was really how I felt. That was part of the conversation I had with God. So, He let me let go. Everything after that was a complete faith walk. I’ve developed new skills, I have new talents, I am bits away from a whole new career almost! But here I am on the cusp …

What’s a girl to do? I have no idea! I’m still mulling it all over in my mind and praying. Writing this was really me coming to grips with the fact that I really, probably, in all likelihood am going back. Blogs should present new or interesting information to their readers, not just personal laments, so here’s how this is for you. Maybe you have had your own “live or die teaching moment.” Perhaps, you’ve been out a while and find yourself in a game of double dutch trying to figure out if/when/how you can jump back in. Maybe, you just want to be out and be fine. Or maybe you find yourself like me, never really all the way out, but not wanting to be all in either and now you feel a change coming. Our calls have multiple parts. What you need to do at one point in time, may not be the permanent thing. I know that I’m called to be a teacher. The reason, I had to come out was for God to show me that it’s not only for the classroom. I was keeping myself in that box. I relegated my gift to the walls of my classroom in my public school and on occasion, I could do Vacation Bible School for the kids or teach a class for the adults and that would satisfy the need. Looking at it now, those were the things that God used to remind me that you’re still called to the classroom. Even going on field trips with my sons this past school year. Your gifts are universal. They work every where you do. Literally. Don’t be afraid to let your gift be in action. Let it take you wherever it is God needs you to be. In one of my books, I wrote about always being a work in progress. And that’s exactly what it is. We are always in progress. You’ll be in progress until you the day you close your eyes forever. Learn to be ok with that.

We don’t have to have it all figured out, all of the time. Most of the time we won’t. Just continue to trust that whatever God has brought you to, He will also bring you through. And in the event that you find yourself in that place where you know He didn’t bring you but you drove yourself, it’s ok. He’ll bring you through there as well, you just have to let go and let Him do what He does best and be God.

So, as this 180 for this school year closes, maybe I’ll find myself prepping once again to be the new kid on the block some place else and getting in gear for a fresh 190 come August. However this thing works out, I know that God has me covered. Trust, He has you covered too!!

** This is going to be a journey. Make sure you subscribe to come along with me!!

There will be much more to discuss along the way!! **